I'm like my dad.

I just want to spend time with him. But when we are in the same room, he is distracted. On his laptop, reading a magazine, watching golf, playing the guitar, keeping busy, keeping distracted, doing doing doing. I just can't seem to grab his eyes for long enough to have a conversation. When his eyes aren't locked on mine, when they drift elsewhere, I don't feel he's listening. He can't hear me because he is distracted. And so he doesn't see me. And we don't spend time together. Sometimes I stand right in front of him, all creepy-like and waiting for him to look up and give me attention, waiting for him to drop everything else, look into my eyes, and spend time with me. Sometimes he asks me why I'm standing there. All I want is him.

I am like God.

God longs to be with me, spend time with me, love me and cherish me. But I run all day. I want to live my life fully for Him, but my anxiety about doing all the right things for Him get in the way of knowing Him. My days are busy, and I make them busy, and I go and go and get tired and wonder why I don't rest more but I can't rest because I'm always doing. And God is standing in front of me, waiting to lock my eyes and catch my attention. Waiting for me to become available.

Lord, make me available to you. Give me silence, rest, peace. Make me available to listen. Available to pray for others. Available for Your purposes and not my own.

Make yourself available.


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