This Rainy Day...

Painful beauty is almost better.

I am not 100%. I am tired, feeling a dry raw throat as the season changes colder. Fall is beautiful, and red and yellow leaves and pants and long shirts and English tea and a quiet household and rest and work are things I love.

But I’m not full of joy, but rather smelling it cook nearby. It’s a quiet, soft presence, and not a rush of excitement.

I like it though. There’s pain there. My throat is resting in a cold. The sky is the exact color of gray and a fall rain has been with me all day. My mind can’t pay attention to a reading of Genesis I should get through. And so I empty the painful beauty I feel onto a paper and scratch out lines and search for words and wonder if this is beautiful at all but I’m also too tired and in love with this moment to worry about perfection.

A quiet, blessed, rain-filled, cozy, busy day. This is the day the Lord has made, and I am grateful.