My heart just aches. It is convicted, but clutching bitterness. I said I couldn’t write anything here today, because I don’t have this figured out. The truth of my heart is that I cannot forgive my mother for her faults (for her humanity!). I type these words and am crying, because my pride and stupidity can’t force myself to treat her better. I am me, in Christ, around other people. But our past and my foolish annoyances and who I used to be keep me swimming for life, clawing for the rope that would pull me out of bitterness, and when I see it, I don’t take it. I have excuses.
No one deserves to be forgiven. But grace lavishes this beautiful gift on the undeserved.
God. He loves us. He is big on forgiveness. God is mercy. We ask, and are forgiven. Easily. But not cheaply. To forgive, He gave the sacrifice of His son. He put his child on the altar and let him be beaten and killed. Imagine standing by, while your child goes through this. All because a sacrifice needs to be made, and there is One who can save.
Please, anyone who reads this, pray to God the Father for me. Pray for Him to do a mighty work in my heart, to forgive no matter what, to love no matter what. To see love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness deep in my actions. Not loving when I feel like it, or patient for only some people, or kind to those who make it easy. But for all. Even the people closest to me who I treat terribly. Pray for the release of those who are captured by bitterness. God came to let the captives go free. Pray that this, and all, captives would be set free.