Longing

It’s just me, a lit candle, this song, and the Lord. I had a wonderful day today. Went to the dog park with the puppy, decorated the home for fall, and prepared chili and pumpkin pie for my dear cousins. Blessed.

And many times I felt so wonderful, and so joy-filled. Had the windows rolled down as we drove, wore a cute outfit, enjoyed the still beautiful warm weather, twirled in the smell of pumpkin that filled the house, laughed at my sweet cousin Anna as she sat in my lap and rubbed her nose against mine. And forever I am filled with a joy that is indescribable and will never be taken away.

Yet. There is sadness within me. My heart longs for God. The sadness of the world is real. People are hurting, children are being abandoned. Children, left and neglected. I can’t imagine and my heart is weighed down by all the stories, and by my own longings. I long for a husband and children, and purpose and redeemed relationships. It’s just that I know things aren’t the way they were supposed to be. I know God is love, joy, grace, all-sufficient amazing Creator Savior. I am filled with this joy that comes out of and yet co-exists with suffering and pain. It is from pain and with pain that I feel joy. It is because of it, and yet I know that it doesn’t belong. And so I yearn and long and plead and cry and am overwhelmed and angry and sinful and hurting in my own right.

It’s just me, sitting on my bedroom floor at the end of the day, longing for the Lord to come and restore. He is coming. He is stronger than the evil in this world. And He, as the One Loving Savior, longs with a beyond-imaginable yearning for the redemption of His creation. If I, who am human and sinful and so imperfect and so unwise, know there is more, then there must be so much more that I am missing! God of Heaven, fulfill my hope and restore your creation for good. Fill this longing heart with your all-sufficient love and peace.

In Heaven, is there a need for hope? Or is there just eternal rest with a heart that is finally content. I am so looking forward to that day.