Martha

Ok.

I want this to be pretty. I want to find the wisdom, package it, and present it to you.

But I can’t today, and shouldn’t think that’s all I can write about.

So instead, I’m just gon’ write how I’m feeling right now.

Mostly, it’s this perfectionism thing, and the problem of free time.

It’s dumb, because free time is supposed to be a good thing right? Well, let’s call perfectionism what it is: my life’s personal background music with lyrics on repeat, you’re not measuring up.

It’s dumb, and I know it doesn’t make sense. So when I’m working, or running errands, keeping busy, planning get-togethers, visiting friends, serving, babysitting, cooking, getting stuff done, my song sings, well done. But having free time must mean I’m doing the opposite—and perfectionism tells the greatest lie of all that is Jesus is not happy with me. Because of course it is written, “Go and make people hard-working. Increase their work output, and your Father in heaven will be pleased.”

I recognize it is false. But it doesn’t keep the song from playing, and it doesn’t mean depression won’t hit me in free time. That’s my day today. Though I work an 8-hour day, and spend 2.4 hours with the Lord…if I still have time on my hands I must still be doing something wrong. Right?

Help me out here, and pray. Or leave a comment, share wisdom, or invite me over so I have something to do :)